Saturday, December 12, 2009

Christmas and Kids

I was thinking today about Christmas and trying to figure out at exactly what point in my life did Christmas become a depressing nightmare instead of a wonderful magical holiday. When your a kid there is nothing more special than Christmas, the tree, the lights and decorations, the music and of course the presents, but at some point it goes from being exciting to depressing. I know that as a child my family didn't have a lot of money, but it seemed to me that we always had a great Christmas.No matter what I got, I don't remember ever thinking that I got screwed and for the most part I remember being happy with whatever I received.

As an adult I find myself consumed by a feeling of inadequacy because I cant give my children what I consider to be a good Christmas, but is what I consider a good Christmas and what they consider a good Christmas the same thing?..Do the kids really put a high priority on the amount of gifts they receive or like me are they happy with whatever they get regardless of the cost or amount? Do I needlessly beat myself up over it?

Another thing that is bothering me is how to handle the Christmas situation between Divorced parents when one parent has more resources and less obligations??..I have a list of all the things my children's mother bought for them for Christmas, It seems to be everything they asked for, which leaves me feeling like a Heel, because I cannot compete with that, I might be able to get them 1 or 2 things and nothing of the level they will get from their Mom, I take this as a direct Insult and an attempt to buy my children's love and loyalty, am I crazy and paranoid or am I justified in this thought?

All I can provide for the kids is a father who loves them unconditionally, a good moral home, and discipline, a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. Which as an Adult I feel are the more important things to give them, but it still hurts me when my kids would rather go there because there they get all the "Fun" stuff. Will they grow out of that and have more respect for what I provide , or will they always think that I'm not as good as Mom because I don't give them everything they want?

OK back to the original thought, When does Christmas loose its magic? even after the whole Santa Clause thing was over for me, I still felt that Christmas was a wonderful time, I enjoyed the family dinners and the annual watching of "The Christmas Story" the music and the decorations..somewhere along the line that all went I find myself feeling like the Grinch or Ebenezer Scrooge..Just wishing it would go away and leave me alone.

Just because its Christmas doesn't mean the bills stop coming in, but it forces me to choose between paying bills and buying Christmas..I think That is where the true problem is with me. It stresses me out to no end trying to figure out how to make everyone happy..the kids, the wife, the utility companies..I cant please everyone and I want to, which makes this a depressing stressful time of year instead of fun and exciting.

I'm left wondering If it ever gets any better or is it always the same..year after year...Lets hope that someday it gets better..

Merry Christmas and Happy New year

1 comment:

  1. you are NOT the lone wolf out there. there are probably more people out there that feel the same way you do about Christmas, than people who dont. I dont have anything to give to my kids this year, except my love, and i believe that in the long haul, they will understand and continue to love me. yours will too. bubba is old enough for you to explain to him that you dont have the resources to buy the same things as his mother, but that you love him with all your heart, and thats what matters to growing kids. they just need your love. that is what they will remember and take with them throughout their lives. he will be proud someday to say, my dad had to pay the gas bill to keep me warm, and put food in my stomach to help me grow, instead of many presents. my dad loves me! he did the best he could. that will become much more important to them when they are older. you are building a family, not vieing for "who can buy the most". as for the Christmas thing, yes, as you become adult, you realize the fun you remember as a child, isnt there anymore, it turns into a ratrace, but dont forget that the kids still think its magical! believe me, your kids are going to remember the times you read a book to them, or watched a movie with them, or played a game with them, with much more fonder memories, than the presents you bought them. the best part of Christmas for adults, or for me anyway, are Christmas Carolls, or Cristmas movies, or watching children having fun. and those bring the good memories of when you were a child. your memories will always be with you. ans as time goes by, even Christmass' like this one, will become a fond memory! it is SO hard to not buy into the commercial Christmas all around us, since it seems like everyone else has, but that doesnt make it right! Christmas is Love.....